190 Bagel Puns and Jokes That Are Everything You Need

Dive into the delightful world of bagel humor with our comprehensive guide to bagel puns and jokes! Whether you’re looking for a quick chuckle or the perfect punny caption for your next Instagram post, this article has got you covered. From short one-liners that are perfect for lightening the mood, to cream cheese smears of wit ideal for social media, and even some clever jokes just ripe for sharing with friends and family, you’ll find 190 ways to sprinkle your day with laughter. Explore various categories like romantic puns, funny sayings for kids, and even the sharper humor tailored for adults. Get ready to bagel up some fun and enjoy a batch of jokes that will keep you and your fellow dough-lighted enthusiasts smiling all day!

Short One-liner Bagel Puns

1. I’m on a roll with these bagel jokes!
2. Donut worry, be bagel!
3. Bagel meet world.
4. You’re the schmear to my bagel!
5. Are you bready for more bagel puns?
6. Let’s get this bread!
7. This might sound crumby, but I loaf you!
8. You’re everything I kneaded!
9. Just roll with it.
10. A hole lot of fun!

Bagel Puns for Instagram

1. “I like big bagels and I cannot lie!”
2. “Bagels – the hole-y grail of breakfast!”
3. “Spread love as thick as you would cream cheese.”
4. “Bready or not, here I crumb.”
5. “Bagel in the streets, schmear in the sheets.”
6. “All about that everything bagel spice.”
7. “Rise and shine, it’s bagel time!”
8. “Keep calm and eat a bagel.”
9. “The breakfast of champi-ons: a bagel.”
10. “Slicing through the week like a hot knife through bagels.”

Funny Bagel Puns Reddit

1. Why did the bagel lose the election? He was the victim of a smear campaign!
2. Why don’t secrets last in a bakery? Too many leakers!
3. What do you call a bagel that can fly? A plain bagel.
4. Why was the bagel a great dancer? Because it had all the right moves.
5. How does a bagel greet another bagel? “Hole-y there!”
6. Why did the bagel go to the doctor? It had a yeast infection.
7. What’s a bagel’s favorite sport? Dough-nastics!
8. Why did the onion bagel cry? It saw the topping!
9. How does a bagel change careers? It goes back to bread school!
10. What do you call an ambitious bagel? One that wants to get a head!

Bagel Puns Captions

1. “If you knead me, I’ll be at the bakery.”
2. “The bagel: A doughy escape from reality.”
3. “Gettin’ my daily dose of hole foods.”
4. “Bagels: They’re the yeast you can do for breakfast!”
5. “Carb your enthusiasm.”
6. “You’re the cream cheese to my everything bagel.”
7. “Who needs a bagel with a hole when you’re the whole package?”
8. “Spread some cheer with a schmear.”
9. “Bagelicious!”
10. “Caught in a love triangle with me, myself, and my bagel.”

Cream Cheese Bagel Puns

1. “Spread love as thick as cream cheese.”
2. “Life’s better with a schmear of cream cheese.”
3. “In a world full of plain bagels, be a cream cheese.”
4. “Schmear perfection.”
5. “Cream cheese: Bagel’s better half.”
6. “Stack it high with schmear.”
7. “Cream cheese does it brie-tter!”
8. “Keep calm and cream cheese on.”
9. “A little schmear goes a long way.”
10. “Where there’s a bagel, there’s a way.”

Bagel and Lox Puns

1. “Lox of love to you and yours.”
2. “Feeling loxurious.”
3. “Keep calm and lox on.”
4. “Stay lox and loaded.”
5. “That’s lox like it!”
6. “Bagel and lox: A classic combo.”
7. “Just lox and bagels.”
8. “Lox, stock, and bagel.”
9. “You had me at lox.”
10. “Lox-ing you a lot!”

Cute Bagel Puns

1. “Don’t go bacon my heart!”
2. “Ugh, you’re such a cute-tea!”
3. “You’re the raisin I smile.”
4. “Olive you so much it hurts.”
5. “I’m dough-nuts about you!”
6. “You’re my butter half.”
7. “Sliced bread thinks YOU are the greatest thing.”
8. “You are the apple of my pie.”
9. “You make my heart skip a beet.”
10. “You’re a-peeling.”

<h3>Best Toasted Bagel Puns<h3/>

1. “Toasting to the good times.”
2. “Getting toasted.”
3. “You’re toast-ally awesome!”
4. “Let’s get this bread toasted.”
5. “Hot and toasted, just how I like it.”
6. “Toast of the town.”
7. “Warm and toasty feelings for you.”
8. “Life’s better when you’re toasted.”
9. “Toast, roast, and bagel.”
10. “A toast to the host with the most roasts!”

Romantic Bagel Puns

1. “You’re my everything bagel.”
2. “I’m bagel-ing in love with you.”
3. “Our love is like a bagel, endless and complete.”
4. “Love you like a bagel loves schmear.”
5. “Let’s not brioche each other’s hearts.”
6. “You make my world a butter place.”
7. “I love you dough much!”
8. “You complete my bagel.”
9. “Together we’re the perfect batch.”
10. “Let’s grow old and crusty together.”

What is a slang about bagels?

The slang term “bagel” refers to a score of zero in some sports, originating from its shape resembling a zero.

Thank You Bagel Jokes

1. Thank you, you really know how to bagel my day!
2. Thanks a brunch for being here!
3. You’ve got everything I knead in a friend.
4. Thanks for not loafing around when I kneaded you.
5. You’re the raisin I keep smiling.
6. Doughn’t know what I’d do without you!
7. Thanks for being such a great roll model.
8. You never fail to butter me up!
9. Your kindness is a recipe for happiness.
10. Thanks for being in a-rye-zing friend!

Birthday Bagel Jokes

1. “Have a hole lot of fun on your birthday!”
2. “Bagel happy returns!”
3. “Hope your birthday is as toasty as a fresh bagel!”
4. “You’re not getting older, just more delicious!”
5. “A bagel a year keeps the fun near!”
6. “Wishing you a yeast-ful birthday!”
7. “Let’s raise a toast for your birthday!”
8. “Have a bagel-tastic birthday!”
9. “May your birthday be full of schmear joy!”
10. “Another year, another reason to celebrate with bagels!”

Dirty Bagel Jokes

1. What do you call a naughty bagel? A bad seed!
2. Why did the bagel go to the bar? To get toasted!
3. What’s a bagel’s favorite pick-up line? “Wanna get baked together?”
4. How do you seduce a bagel? Whisper sweet nothings into its ear (of wheat)!
5. What do bagels do on a first date? They hole hands.
6. Why was the bagel blushing? It saw the butter undressing!
7. What do bagels wear to the beach? A dough-kini!
8. What did the bagel say to the donut? “You complete me.”
9. Why don’t bagels wear clothes? They like feeling the yeast on their skin!
10. Why are bagels good at poker? They know when to hold ’em!

Everything Bagel Jokes

1. Why is the everything bagel so confident? It knows it has it all!
2. What do you get if you cross a bagel with a UFO? An unidentified frying object!
3. Why do everything bagels work in IT? They’re good at multi-tasking!
4. Why did the everything bagel go to therapy? It needed to sort out its toppings!
5. How do everything bagels stay fit? They do the everything exercise!
6. What’s an everything bagel’s life motto? “Leave no seed behind!”
7. Why don’t everything bagels ever get lost? They’re well-rounded!
8. What’s an everything bagel’s favorite music? Rock ‘n’ roll!
9. Why was the everything bagel promoted? It was the best thing since sliced bread!
10. What do you call an adventurous everything bagel? A globe-trotter!

<h3>Funny Bagel Jokes for Friends<h3/>

1. Why couldn’t the bagel see? It had cream cheese in its eyes!
2. What’s a bagel’s favorite horror movie? “Cream Cheese and Loafing in Las Vegas.”
3. How do you make a bagel laugh? Tell it a yeast joke!
4. What did one bagel say to another? “You’re bae-goals!”
5. Why are bagels such good singers? They know how to hold a tune!
6. What did the bagel say after a workout? “That was a grain workout!”
7. What’s a bagel’s favorite animal? Any kind of dough-lphin!
8. What’s a bagel’s favorite movie? “Lord of the Onion Rings.”
9. Why do bagels make good detectives? They always find the hole story!
10. What’s a bagel’s favorite day of the week? Fry-day!

Bagel Jokes For Teachers

1. Why did the teacher bring a bagel to class? To add flavor to the lesson!
2. What do you call a smart bagel? An Einstein bagel!
3. Why do bagels make great teachers? They always go through the hole curriculum!
4. How do bagels greet their students? “Hole-lo class!”
5. What’s a teacher’s favorite type of bagel? A quiz-nos!
6. Why did the bagel write on the blackboard? It wanted to get a-rye-s in class!
7. What do bagels give their favorite students? An A for a-effort!
8. How do bagels teach history? They cover everything from A to Z!
9. Why are bagels popular at school? They’re brain food!
10. What did the bagel say to the troubled student? “Doughn’t give up!”

Jewish Bagel Jokes

1. Why do bagels play dreidel? To take a schmear break!
2. What’s a Jewish bagel’s favorite game? Hide and go seek!
3. Why do Jewish bagels make good comedians? They always keep it kosher!
4. How do Jewish bagels celebrate Hanukkah? With lox of love!
5. What do you call a bagel that excels in school? A Torah scholar!
6. Why do bagels go to synagogue? To improve their spiritual yeast!
7. What do you call a bagel that’s been to Israel? A traveled treat!
8. How do bagels participate in Yom Kippur? They fast until they’re flat!
9. What’s a bagel’s favorite part of a bar mitzvah? The toast to the host!
10. Why did the bagel go to a Passover seder? It wanted to see the matzah ball!

Seagul Bagel Jokes

1. What do you call a bagel that likes the beach? A seagul bagel!
2. Why don’t seaguls fly over bays? They don’t want to be bay-gels!
3. What’s a seagul’s favorite type of bagel? Sea-salt and vinegar!
4. Why did the seagul eat the bagel? It thought it was a flying snack!
5. What do you get when you cross a seagul with a bagel? Beach bagels!
6. Why are seagul bagels so popular at the beach? They know how to ride the waves!
7. What do seaguls say when they find a bagel? “Mine, mine, mine!”
8. How do seagul bagels stay cool in the summer? They just wing it!
9. What’s a seagul’s least favorite type of bagel? The one that’s harder to snatch!
10. Why did the seagul bring a bagel to the party? To share a bit of the ocean breeze!

Bagel Jokes for Kids

1. Why did the bagel go to school? To improve its “roll” call!
2. What do bagels do at recess? They play dough-dgeball!
3. Why did the bagel sit in the sun? To get a tan!
4. What’s a bagel’s favorite subject in school? History – because it’s full of holes!
5. How do bagels communicate? Through loafer letters!
6. What’s a bagel’s favorite game? Ring around the rosie!
7. Why don’t bagels like winter? Too much chill!
8. What do bagels wear to school? Dough-veralls!
9. Why did the bagel go to the gym? To get better at “dough-lifting”!
10. Why was the bagel so smart? It was well “bread”!

One-liner Bagel Jokes for Adults

1. What do you call a bagel that’s not afraid of anything? A dare-dough!
2. Why did the bagel file a police report? It got mugged at breakfast!
3. What’s a bagel’s favorite type of music? Wrap!
4. Why don’t bagels like lazy people? They don’t do a “roll” thing!
5. How do you get a party started with bagels? Bring in the “dough” jockey!
6. What do you call a bagel that moves very fast? A bagel jet!
7. Why are bagels so well-liked? They always know how to butter people up!
8. What’s the bagel’s life motto? “Time to make the dough!”
9. Why do bagels make good detectives? They always find the “missing piece”!
10. Why did the bagel go to the therapist? To address its fear of being eaten!